Now, in retrospect, this email I sent The Dark One is entertaining. It's dated May 22, 2005. I had so much to tell . . .

So I make initial contact with a guy named Tom, whose email is LordVader@****.***. This was my first clue. I call him on one of his days off and he says, "We need to get you on the computer--why don't you just come over?" This startled me. He has no idea who the hell I am, but he just invites me to his home, because it's his day off and he's hanging out with his wife and kids. So I go and take the rugs. We walk around his house, he shows me all his Star Wars paraphenalia, his work bench, whatever, I chat with his wife, and my kids play with his two year old. We make arrangements for me to come down for the toy drive for the hospital trip.

I roll up to the toy drive up in north Phoenix in my Mara Jade costume, and when I get out of the car, there's a cluster of stormtroopers in front of the store. The Commanding Officer takes off his stormtrooper helmet and says, "Hi, you must be Jen. Nice to meet you, I'm Kevin." Nice looking guy. The rest of the stormtroopers around him start to take off their helmets . . .

Holy crap.

"Hi, I'm Neil." (Nice looking dude. Tall.) "I'm Mark." (Wow, dark hair. Nice.) "Lance, glad to meet you." (Umm, hot?) "I'm Josh, good to see you." (Holy Mary, mother of God.) I'm smiling through all of this, thinking, "Okay, how are all of these guys hot guys also Star Wars geeks?" It's just one right after another. It then occurs to me in a blinding flash . . . I've somehow, once again, managed to get involved in a pastime where females are vastly outnumbered by males. And this one I did without even realizing it!

We go on and do the toy drive, get lots of great stuff for the kids, and toward the end, Joe comes and meets all the guys. They just fold him in as part of the flock, apparently sensing one of their own. I meet some of the wives of some of the guys, and they're all wonderfully nice. Joe is also very pleased.

Hospital trip just rocks. Seeing the kids was amazing, and hearing the genuine appreciation from these parents that just have the ravages of pain all over their faces . . . just great. And the guys in the suits are so amazing, so incredibly patient, posing for hours for every single picture, going back to talk to every single kid who wanted to talk to them, being so gentle and so kind. It all leaves me a little taken aback, and deeply touched. I mostly assist the Vader dude and the troopers, since they can't hear or see very well, and Vader needs help in and out of his helmet for water breaks.

Mostly the same for the movie premiere. Lots of kids, even though the movie is vastly inappropriate for them, but the guys are all very patient with the fans of all ages, and they are appreciative. I did the theatre gig two nights, and by the last one (Joe came to the 2nd one), the real fanboys had already seen the flick and the average crowd was there, so there were a lot of hecklers. I had a hard time not kicking the crap out of some of them. They're sitting there, mocking these guys, and all I can think about is all the good they do, the vast amounts of time and money they give up for this pursuit, and they come out to the theater to entertain and make everybody's experience more fun . . . and they get heckled.

Needless to say, I got a little protective. When the stormtroopers are in a crowd, it's possible for pieces of their costumes to be peeled off and stolen, and some guys even have people punch them on their armor to see if it's "real". A pair of teenagers sidled up behind Neil when he was talking to some little kids, and made like they were going to steal his (thermal detonator?). (Round thing above his butt that's held on by velcro.) They laughed and walked off to a group of people. I strode over to them, stood between them with my arms around their shoulders and said, "Hi, guys. You're not going to be wanting to steal anything off of the costumes, understand?"

"What, huh, we weren't messing with him!"

"Yeah, okay. Listen, these guys spend a ton of time and money on their costumes, and if one of you were to try to make off with something, you'd have all of us all over you in a second, and it would be a really bad scene. Trust me. So keep your hands off." I smiled in my most humorless fashion at their thunderstruck looks, and walked away. I walked back over to Neil, who is married to his high school sweetheart and is just one of the nicest guys, and he asked me what that was all about. I told him, and he kind of laughed, and said, "Thanks."

Then a while later, I see a pack of preteens closing in around Lance, starting to fondle and slap at his armor. I'd seen them heckling and messing with the others, so cruised over and stood at Lance's elbow. Lance is known as "the polisher" because he keeps his armor spotless, and I knew he wouldn't like hands on it, especially if the kids didn't mean well.

I take one kid's hands off Lance's chest plate. "Don't touch the armor, guys."

"What? Why?" The kid looks me up and down. "Who are you supposed to be?"

I smile slowly and put my hands on my hips, one over my lightsaber, the other over my gun. "I'm Mara Jade, the Emperor's Hand. I am his personal assassin--basically, when he needs someone rubbed out, he has me handle it. I can kick just about anyone's ass in the entire galaxy."

He pauses. "Can I hold your lightsaber?"

"No."

He and all his friends look at me, look at each other, and suddenly have something else they have to go do.

Lance never moves his body, just his helmet swivels to look at me in a way that I've come to recognize as "inquiring".

"I don't make a habit of menacing kids. Those ones, however, were not nice. At all."

He nods, and walks away.

Maybe I've found a new harem to mother a little bit, although these ones are almost all married. Makes no difference. They're all really nice people, as are their wives. It's just really, really nice to find a group of good people who have only Star Wars in common, but they turn it into a really great project.

On a side note, there's one who is just unbearably hot and single, and if you end up looking for a nice fling to fill some time, I'd highly recommend him. You don't find too many guys that hot who are willing to devote this amount of time to kids and charity.

The Dark One and GQ Sith (who is still unbearably hot, but no longer single!) have been together for 6 months, and are planning to move in together if she can ever get a freaking job out here! I'm not exactly brokenhearted that she'll be around.