As of Monday.
Holy crap.
Now what the hell do I do with myself?
And yeah, I got laid off. No offense to me personally, they just can't afford to keep me.
I like to think of it as *me* (and my services) being on the level of Tiffany & Co. or Barney's, and the Town now finding itself having to shop on a Wal-Mart budget.
I can live with that. :)
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
Beginnings and endings, and the death of hope.
Weirdness. The feeling of standing on a ship and suddenly it keels so far starboard that you're hanging on to a rope, watching your feet dangle above the sea.
I didn't anticipate that this would be a life-changing week. I figured I'd take a couple of days to recover from my trip back East, readjust to the time, and maybe start working out again. I've been very troubled about how the inches I lost have returned, and it's past time to do something about it.
A new situation was sprung on me which is going to mean a major shift in my family's lifestyle, and I realized that I've been putting off growing up in some ways. I mean, sure, that's nice if you can manage it, but perhaps it's time to become a real grownup. Perhaps I no longer have a choice. I hoped briefly that my new situation was fixable, that I could prolong the status quo, but I saw in the eyes of the messenger that my hope was in vain. It's a strange feeling for me--I'm unaccustomed to not being able to find some small nugget of hope in any adversity.
I guess the last time I felt it was when my dad died. Finality.
This afternoon I was also broadsided by news that caught me by surprise, but only because I was nurturing hope that a terrible situation could be fixed. Turns out, hope is lost on that front as well. A tattered friendship seems to be over, and said friend is moving away, and I found out via a public message board posting. Seems to be the way this week is going.
Baby girl had two things happen which moved her into a new phase of her life. . . she lost her last two teeth, on the same day. She went to the dentist two weeks ago, and they said at that point that she had four left to lose, and that although she's 9, she has the mouth of an 11 1/2 or 12 year old. Two teeth fell out last week, then the last two at the same time. My baby. Then the following night, she had a boy call her. The conversation went thusly:
Boy: Hi, is there?
Dad: Yes she is, may I ask who's calling?
Boy: Uhh, yeah, this is . . . uhh . . . someone in her class.
Dad: Does "someone in her class" have a name?
Boy: Oh, yeah. Scott.
Daddy wants to go out and purchase a weapon immediately.
I found out early in the week that my Brotherman has consented to allow my mom to help him investigate condos in the Phoenix area, specifically Tempe. That is stunning news, welcome certainly, but still totally unanticipated. I suppose that nugget of hope for something that would be so incredibly wonderful might make up for other areas where hope is lost. Once I get my feet under me again, that might be a touch clearer.
Demon is fighting with his medications again--they changed, and his reaction is not good. I hate being helpless and having to watch him be in pain.
Change is scary. I try to explain that to the kids when they experience it, and I suppose they should know that it's scary for me as well. This week makes me want to curl up and hang on tightly to everything I have, because I suddenly fear it all being taken away from me. I know that's an illogical response to pain and uncertainty, but it's my gut reaction. Thank God the week's over. Of course, I can only pray that I've suffered all the shocks to my system that are looming, at least for now, and hope that Murphy's Law turns a blind eye to me for a moment or so.
Going out with my Biznitch buddy from work will help. She is a very good and loyal friend, and she knew I needed to blow off some steam, so when I suggested a Girls' Night Out, she made arrangements and made herself available. That kicks ass. She's outrageous and hilarious, and Spouse is going to tote our undoubtedly-drunk asses around tomorrow night. It will give me a moment of respite, even though everything will still be waiting for me when I wake up hung over on Sunday. That moment is desperately needed.
I didn't anticipate that this would be a life-changing week. I figured I'd take a couple of days to recover from my trip back East, readjust to the time, and maybe start working out again. I've been very troubled about how the inches I lost have returned, and it's past time to do something about it.
A new situation was sprung on me which is going to mean a major shift in my family's lifestyle, and I realized that I've been putting off growing up in some ways. I mean, sure, that's nice if you can manage it, but perhaps it's time to become a real grownup. Perhaps I no longer have a choice. I hoped briefly that my new situation was fixable, that I could prolong the status quo, but I saw in the eyes of the messenger that my hope was in vain. It's a strange feeling for me--I'm unaccustomed to not being able to find some small nugget of hope in any adversity.
I guess the last time I felt it was when my dad died. Finality.
This afternoon I was also broadsided by news that caught me by surprise, but only because I was nurturing hope that a terrible situation could be fixed. Turns out, hope is lost on that front as well. A tattered friendship seems to be over, and said friend is moving away, and I found out via a public message board posting. Seems to be the way this week is going.
Baby girl had two things happen which moved her into a new phase of her life. . . she lost her last two teeth, on the same day. She went to the dentist two weeks ago, and they said at that point that she had four left to lose, and that although she's 9, she has the mouth of an 11 1/2 or 12 year old. Two teeth fell out last week, then the last two at the same time. My baby. Then the following night, she had a boy call her. The conversation went thusly:
Boy: Hi, is
Dad: Yes she is, may I ask who's calling?
Boy: Uhh, yeah, this is . . . uhh . . . someone in her class.
Dad: Does "someone in her class" have a name?
Boy: Oh, yeah. Scott.
Daddy wants to go out and purchase a weapon immediately.
I found out early in the week that my Brotherman has consented to allow my mom to help him investigate condos in the Phoenix area, specifically Tempe. That is stunning news, welcome certainly, but still totally unanticipated. I suppose that nugget of hope for something that would be so incredibly wonderful might make up for other areas where hope is lost. Once I get my feet under me again, that might be a touch clearer.
Demon is fighting with his medications again--they changed, and his reaction is not good. I hate being helpless and having to watch him be in pain.
Change is scary. I try to explain that to the kids when they experience it, and I suppose they should know that it's scary for me as well. This week makes me want to curl up and hang on tightly to everything I have, because I suddenly fear it all being taken away from me. I know that's an illogical response to pain and uncertainty, but it's my gut reaction. Thank God the week's over. Of course, I can only pray that I've suffered all the shocks to my system that are looming, at least for now, and hope that Murphy's Law turns a blind eye to me for a moment or so.
Going out with my Biznitch buddy from work will help. She is a very good and loyal friend, and she knew I needed to blow off some steam, so when I suggested a Girls' Night Out, she made arrangements and made herself available. That kicks ass. She's outrageous and hilarious, and Spouse is going to tote our undoubtedly-drunk asses around tomorrow night. It will give me a moment of respite, even though everything will still be waiting for me when I wake up hung over on Sunday. That moment is desperately needed.
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